mike_rabasco

mike_rabasco @ 2008-04-17T02:16:00

2008-04-17T07:16:33Z

I always look back...

mike_rabasco @ 2008-04-07T14:16:00

2008-04-07T19:26:39Z

The last few months of my life have been some of the best and some of the worst. Regardless, it is now time to buckle down, work hard, and grow up. I've been through a lot and i've learned even more, but most importantly, I've learned I need to create my life rather than wasting my time trying to find it. Thanks, to all the people I've crossed paths with in my 20 years, the lessons you've taught me are priceless.

stay true,
Mike.

stay.

2008-03-25T19:16:50Z

I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.

good song.

Lately...

2008-02-19T17:58:30Z

I've been sitting here polishing shoes for two days.
Milan Fashion week started yesterday
My fashion design career begins this summer
This city is great but I can't avoid seeing your face in all the buildings and all the streets
Put my face in a magazine

mike_rabasco @ 2007-10-30T20:35:00

2007-10-31T01:58:52Z

I never feel as if anything I do or create is good enough to impress anybody, in most cases, it isn't. The times when I'm congratulated for my work never feel real, I always feel like the person telling me is saying it to make me feel good about myself and not because they really believe it themselves. This is also keeping me from feeling loved, it's frustrating me and in return I've been treating people poorly.

mike_rabasco @ 2007-10-04T19:04:00

2007-10-05T00:05:59Z

Sometimes I wish I was a product of the mellow Midwest. I would be a totally different and maybe better person. After living in Chicago for only 4 months I have come to realize people here are more kind and also easier to get along with than people back in New England. There is no intricate explaination to this conclusion, it's simple. The people here grow up different and there is less bullshit to deal with, people just realize that some things aren't worth getting worked up about and that to be welcoming and kind to new people takes alot less energy than to give them a hard time. One if the most significant things I've learned here is that it takes alot more energy to fight than it does to just be a nice person and think things through before you act on your emotions, which is a great idea but for a person like me who's mind has been established with the fact that being a tough guy and never swallowing your pride is how you should always present yourself it is very hard to become that person. In the 4 months I've been in Chicago I believe I'm well on my way to becoming that person and I've even started to like myself alot more and I've gotten alot accomplished. I love the Midwest and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon, I could raise my family here.

I love my girlfriend and the life I have here with her, with some fine tuning it can be perfect.

I need to learn how to play guitar and sing, I really think it will complete my life. It's like I have these feelings and they need to be withdrawn from my body in some way other than unorganized screaming and crying. If I could do it through music I know I would change as a person.

Don't worry, be happy.

That's some real shit right there, dawg.

2007-09-30T18:24:19Z

Fcuk, French Connection sucks. FUCK! I just typed a damn good LJ and the internet here at TK decided to shit the bed. Ugh, so frustrating. So, i'll just say this. Thank you for the colored pencils, Linds. When the day comes where I am a famous fashion designer and what I have to say actually means something I'll remember the time you bought me these colored pencils and I'll credit you for my success.

I've been waiting on this my whole life
These dreams be waking me up at night
You say I think I'm never wrong
You know what, maybe you're right, aight...

Kanye West, so fucking good, really.

I wish my mind was tangible so i could squeeze
the ego out of it.

Love always,
Mike

mike_rabasco @ 2007-09-26T17:19:00

2007-09-26T22:24:14Z

dear, Mike

Go fuck yourself.

Love always,
your brain

mike_rabasco @ 2007-08-22T02:33:00

2007-08-22T07:12:51Z

I've written enough sad and depressing shit here to rewrite "Letting off the Happiness". Steve wrote me a letter today, he addressed is Mike Rabz...that alone made my day more pleasant. Brian comes on Thursday...If I can compose a good enough reason to cough up the twenty dollar cover charge to see Steve Aoki, we're going to party with him.

stay safe, work hard, party harder.

tour!tour!tour!

mike_rabasco @ 2007-08-13T05:29:00

2007-08-13T09:56:17Z

It's 4:42am and I should be happy and asleep. I honestly cannot describe the feeling I had today when I realized I was worried about one of my friends in Chicago rather than the person I am usually worried about. I actually stopped to think about it for a second and it made me realize that I need to have other people to worry about and that is what will fix the situation. The whole situation that has been so hard for me is really starting to get better because I am developing real friendships and feelings for other people here in this city. It really is what I need to fix this and you and I both know this. The reason it is 4:42 and I'm not asleep is because I wanted to goto bed happy tonight so fucking bad and I was convinced that I was going to get that oppourtunity and I was not going to do anything to fuck it up, but somehow I fucked it up. I can honestly say it was a mistake and I will say or do anything to convince anybody that aiwytgbhjldkbdjk ahhh this post is stupid and its getting too personal....this should be a fucking email to one person. Again, I'm sorry. I'm not sleeping until I'm happy, I promised myself i'd goto bed happy.

Nothing to look foward to.

2007-08-08T23:37:22Z

I need someone from Boston to come to Chicago, one of my good friends. I need a person here who I feel comfortable with, one is not enough. I guess I deprived myself of that when I decided to stay in Chicago but the people who love me back home were doing just as much harm as they were good. I needed to get away but now that I'm away I miss all of it so much. I really feel school will fix alot of these feelings. I have a job and a girlfriend now, which is great but it's not enough for me. I really need to be in school to meet people here and make friendships that really mean something to me. Every friend I have here has been forced and I hate that. I love to surround myself with friends and I can't get that here. Either the people are different or I just haven't ran into the group I fit in best with yet. Everything I just said is causing me to act like a real douche bag, this isn't who I am and it is not who I want to become. I just tore myself away from my friends and home and it's really hard to be yourself when you don't feel at home and don't have any real friends to confide in. This is the part where I ask you to stick it out for me and believe me when I say it will change and that I just need to meet more people who I choose as friends and not the people who were forced to be friends with me. I know i've been overflowing with excuses and trying to make up for my actions but nobody can understand how this feels until you've decided to do it yourself. It's the hardest thing i've ever done in my life but that is the reason it comes with the biggest reward, the prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.

I just need you to stick with me, please. It is going to take me time but I promise to make it worth every second of yours. I love you.

something to look foward to.

2007-07-24T18:49:44Z

Franki in Chicago.
Back home to Boston.
seeing all my friends and family.
back to Chi.
Lollapalooza.
working the new job.
GED test.

...I love when I have a whole list of things to look forward to, it makes me feel so much better to have things planned out. I get bored when I have nothing to do, I guess I really need to learn to appreciate alone time but I love surrounding myself with people I like. I think about weird shit when I'm by myself and it freaks me out sometimes. I cannot wait to go home to Boston and see everybody and have things be like the old days for a while. I know I've changed alot by moving to Chicago, I've changed for the better. I still have alot of work to mold myself into a more like-able and successful person but it really is something I need and want to do, not just for myself but for the other people in my life. I owe alot of people alot of things and some of them are so easy but it's just hard for me for some reason. I hate some things about myself and I really need to change my attitude towards things. I've talked to people back home and they have told me they noticed a change just in a phone conversation they had with me, that makes me feel so good. I just wish i could make everything perfect and I really am trying to do that for myself and everybody around me. It takes time to completely change and evolve into a different person in a different city with new friends and completely new life but I promise it is going to happen as soon as possible, I really am trying. I want everybody to feel loved and I want to feel the same.

If I had a million dollars right now i'd give my mom and dad $100,000 each and take all of my friends on vacation to Europe where they could help me pick out a small place in Paris to call home.

balancing work and play

2007-07-14T23:46:44Z

Last night was a real good time, Dan and I went to a party way up north and I got to meet some really cool people who enjoyed giving us free beer from all parts of the world. Anybody who wants to give me free beer is a friend of mine. I really like the people in the midwest alot more than the people back on the east coast, Everybody is friendly here. If you don't know the majority of the people at a party in Boston you will most likely run into a problem with somebody. The midwest is really laid back and it seems as if people aren't as "screwed up" as they are back home. Maybe i Just think this because it's all new to me and if that is the case, I'm fine with it for now.

Dan and I partied with these strangers until 4am and then had to ride three miles to the comfort of our own home, which I'm not very comfortable with yet considering I don't know the area very well, we are without a couch and I sleep on an air mattress, but I guess it is a place to call home. I was scheduled to work at Pet Care Plus at 7:30 am but I chose not to go for more reasons than getting no sleep and being hungover. I hate this job! The dogs I take care of fight and bark all day, ten seconds doesn't go by without an obnoxious bark from a pit-bull or an ear-piercing yelp from a pint-sized poodle who belongs in their owners Louis Vuitton pet carrier. There is daily blood shed from the pit-bulls and rottweilers who have something to prove, and if I allow one of them to get beat up enough, it's my fault. I really feel like a correctional officer in a fucking prison, it's not the job for me. Which is why I did a lot of hanging out today at Panera, browsing craigslist for a goddamn job. I came across an ad for a server at Lucky Strike and went by there to apply. The people were really nice and set me up with an interview Monday at 1pm and I am very excited. I've always wanted to be a waiter and make good money while meeting people. I've never had a job like that ever. Hopefully all goes well and they like me enough to hire me.

mike_rabasco @ 2007-07-13T18:33:00

2007-07-13T23:06:32Z

Last night was a night where I really needed one of my friends from home to stay up late with me and drink and discuss the things you only feel comfortable discussing while you're under the influence of alcohol. I talked to Steve on the phone for a while and he made me feel much better about my whole "situation". He pitched his idea about the book he wants to write, and I hopped on board to help him with it. I've been stressing a lot about my future and my purpose in life and I feel like this will help keep my mind off of those things and give me more of a reason to be in Chicago...

Tonight I'm either off to the movies or a party, if I was smart I'd choose the movies and then bed because I have work at 7:30 am but I have been without any good parties since i've been in Chicago and recently I've had a craving for one. So, I will most likely venture out to this shindig with Dan, Kira, Dan, and Jordan who just stopped to talk to me while she was walking by Panera where I'm sitting.

A new Beginning

2007-07-13T20:04:15Z

Like Jessie said, a new beginning.